A List Of Black Women that taught me the importance of being yourself.

A List Of Black Women that taught me the importance of being yourself.

A List of Black women that taught me the importance of being yourself.

As a black woman having examples to follow & who inspire me really helped shape me into the woman that I am today. If I didn’t have women who looked like & understand me. I don’t think I would be so confident in the skin I’m in now. From my mom to my aunt & more. Additionally, the black representation of celebrities who are women truly have impacted my soul & self too. They’ve taught me confidence, liberation, self expression, vulnerability, creativity, positivity, empowerment & so much more.

From the early 2000’s to now seeing the wave of black girl magic & black women in general using their natural talents. While effortlessly shining truly has made me proud & willing to do the same. Furthermore, I remember seeing Beyoncé in the Crazy In Love music video as a kid not even knowing or realizing how significant that moment was for myself. She stepped out in the intro with her signature walk, completely owning the place, wearing what she wants, & completely liberated. This was just the beginning of a major solo career. As for me, I realized this was Beyoncé showing us that she is growing & maturing not only as an artist but also as a woman. Similarly, this happened with Rihanna during the good girl gone bad era. The drastic haircut, the edgy style, & the growth in her voice & aesthetic. She became her true self in that moment. Not just as an act of rebellion against her label but to also free herself of the box they put her in. Clearly, that moment was monumental.

As for black women in my life. An example of a vulnerable, confident, selfless & intelligent black woman I know is my mother. She is truly one of the coolest women I am grateful to be related to. For example, in high school her clothes & hair were very self expressive but she was confident in herself, so nobody had the guts to say a negative word towards her. She is extremely intelligent, was a straight A student, & has gotten promoted in every job she’s ever had. That’s where the selflessness comes in because she would take shifts if any of her coworkers weren’t in the mood to come in. A workaholic but she enjoyed it. Furthermore, her vulnerable state is shown with appreciation & honesty. She writes in a journal often, reads & has a whole book collection. She’s a nerd at heart even though she’s always outwardly shown herself as the life of the party. Comparing myself to her. I would say I got the nerdy side. I’m ok with that. Lastly, she inspired me to love myself as I am & not let any person tell me what I know I am not. I’m just grateful to be her daughter.

1. Rihanna

Not only is she a proud black woman, an entrepreneur, a fashion icon, a hit maker, & a unapologetic liberated beauty. Rihanna is herself. A couple of my favorite quotes from her are “I don’t do things for the response or controversy. I just live my life.” “To me it’s tougher to be vulnerable, than to be tough.” “For the first time I don’t want to get rid of my curves. My body is comfortable, it’s not unhealthy. So I’m going to rock with it.” The reason why I love these quotes is because Rihanna has shown us in her most vulnerable state, to then quote on quote “create controversy” by speaking her mind, & accepting her body in every stage it’s been in from being thin to slim thick & now curvaceous. She’s unapologetically honored herself in everything she does. Additionally, from the music, looks & even the expansion of her empire. Nevertheless, being such a huge celebrity she is still that down to earth, humble, & amazingly talented girl from the islands of Barbados. That’s why we as the Rihanna navy absolutely love her. For consistently being her true authentic self. She has personally taught me that I can be sexually liberated. Lastly, that there isn’t a need to seek others approval of how you are as a person. And that anything is possible as long as you believe in yourself.

2. Beyoncé

I grew up being a major fan of Destiny’s Child. As soon as they came on the radio I would immediately sing along. When the Dangerously In Love era happened I was truly in awe because this girl wasn’t a little teenager anymore. Beyoncé really proved that you can never fit her creativity into a box & from that moment on I was so inspired. Every album, every tour, every magazine etc…is so cohesive, intricate, creative & meaningful. Beyoncé’s self titled showed us that you can be a mom & be sexy. BDay showed you can experience somethings that would knock a person down but still be standing. Furthermore, Lemonade was Bey’s way of saying to her white audience I’m a proud ass unstoppable black woman & I want to remind y’all of that. In addition, Bey’s honesty, authenticity, & yet private way of being inspired me to view life from a similar perspective. She showcases that you don’t need to appease your critics, just believe & enjoy your art & self expression.

3. Naomi

Naomi is apart of the pivotal aspect of fashion. All the designers she’s come to become close with over the years have always said similar things, despite all the negativity she experienced during some tumultuous times in her life. For example, they say “She’s a kind & hardworking woman. ” Also, Naomi got herself in on her own with consistency & persistence all at such a young age. To now being one of the most sought out models in the industry. I remember in an interview with Barbra Walters I think it was. Barbra had stated that Naomi had a reputation for being a bitch & in return Naomi with confidence said “If I’m going to be a bitch. I’ll be a hardworking bitch, a strong bitch, a successful bitch.” Her energy is so powerful & when she said that Barbra had to move onto the next subject because she was stumped & didn’t know what else to say. That’s the energy I inspire to have. In short, Naomi inspired me to stand my ground in face of adversity with confidence when it comes to anything.

In conclusion, knowing your worth as a black woman, truly changes how you view life. Having positive examples helps build your character & confidence. Which, as proven above leads to expressing yourself through your essence, career, art, body & culture. Helping you understand why being who you are is so valuable.

Advertisements
Why having a routine is important.

Why having a routine is important.

Morning Routine

The morning after the day before is like starting from scratch. You may have made some choices you didn’t actually intend to make, you may have reacted in a way that didn’t feel right, & you may have skipped a few steps you told yourself earlier in the day you would follow through with but didn’t. But that’s ok because you can always start over the following day & do better. There’s no ifs, ands, or but’s about it. YOU CAN START OVER. That’s what makes life so wonderful. It’s also another reason among a handful of others reasons to be grateful for existing. Period.

My morning routine is pretty simplistic. I typically spend about 15-20 minutes a day in the morning doing what I love to enjoy. So I can start off my day in a positive state of mind. I begin by making my bed, doing yoga, reading my list of what I’m grateful for, reading my affirmations out loud. Then, I washing my face with my spin brush & using black charcoal soap, cleansing with a green tea toner, brushing my teeth, putting on my daily moisturizer, chapstick, & spraying my face with my Garnier Rose Water Spray. Then, I moisturize my hair with creme of nature leave in conditioner spray, oil my scalp with castor oil gel & then put a head wrap on my hair (with my edges laid of course) & leave it alone. After I’ve concluded all of that I sit & meditate. I don’t like to control the amount of time I meditate for. Because it doesn’t feel authentic to me. Some days I’ll meditate for 10 minutes & other days it’ll last a half an hour. It depends all on what I’m feeling & visualizing. That is my morning routine. As long as I have gratitude in my spirit, a calm mind, & a relaxed body I can achieve whatever goals I have for the day. To connect this with my mental illness & physical disability I use having a routine to keep me calm & my body relaxed as mentioned up above because when I overdo things mentally or physically it does take a huge toll on me overtime & I never know what to expect with my well being so I nurture it as best as I can.

Night Routine

Now moving onto my night routine. I’m a night owl, moon child. I love the night time. It’s quiet & peaceful. So after having a very long tedious, sometimes stressful day. I start my routine directly after dinner. By brushing my teeth, washing my face as I said above again, then I put on my anti stress mask for 10-15 minutes. After that time period passes I rinse the mask off & tone my face. Then I return back to my sanctuary moisturize my face with Jergens Coconut lotion & spray with the same facial mist I mentioned above. Before sleeping I reflect on my day. Focusing on the good. I meditate for 20 minutes so I’m in a completely relaxed state when I fall asleep & welcome my spirit into my dreams. Meditation before bed is thoroughly important to me because it relaxes my whole entire being. I feel you must go to sleep in a peaceful state of mind. Because no one wants to start another day carrying any possible stresses from the day before. You have to let go & start new. Everyday.

The effort & time you put in for yourself when you wake up & just before you go to sleep are always priority. Morning & night are the right times to get your shit together if you plan on developing new & better habits for yourself. And in my opinion I think a lot people forget that. With that being said, please put your health, self love, & joy above everything else first. Because that determines how your whole day & night will go. Everyday.

Only way for the universe to grant you, your desires is to focus on the inner work & that inner work requires action. That includes how you choose to take care of yourself. Develop a routine you enjoy & makes you feel bomb as fuck. That is why having a routine is so beneficial. Do this everyday consistently. Watch your mood change & your life change. 💓

Thank you for reading my articles. I am grateful for all of you who take time out of your day for my art. Sending lots of love & positivity. Asé

Angel Energy💓🧖🏽‍♀️✨

Angel Energy💓🧖🏽‍♀️✨

What is Angel Energy?

Spirituality became quite mainstream by 2018. Energy was a constant topic throughout social media. Users saying such things as “Keep the same energy”, “big dick energy”, “grown woman energy”, “grown men energy” & so much more. The point of this energy is having a leadership role & mindset in your life. You exude this energy naturally. In a spiritual sense it’s about the auras you want to have & be. Each color has an important significance & all based on your bodies energy & your thoughts.

As I continue to reflect I notice the reoccurring compliments I’ve always gotten relate to an angelic aesthetic & energy. So I like to say I give off angelic energy. Big angelic energy. From the softness of my skin to the sound of my calm relaxing voice. I truly feel personally I embody an angel. I love it & it truly brings me joy when I’m told my energy is soft, safe, delicate, & sensitive. This just makes my confidence level even higher. I am angel energy. I embody this with my actions, thoughts, & feelings.

I came to this realization months ago. But I’m finally talking about it because I feel everyone should identify what they feel their energy exudes. It’s important to feel like your true authentic self. It’s important to make yourself feel worthy. Since, we’re in 2019 energy & what we choose to allow including in ourselves & for ourselves is priority. Being self aware of what your intuition is telling you adds so much to your character & that is why it’s valuable to me. Because we are all writing are own stories. We’re the main characters. We set the tone for ourselves & we have the power to make choices that best suit us. Which includes our energy too. I want positive energy & my energy is positive. So it makes sense why I always have positive energy around me. But what about you? The readers. What is your energy? What do you feel your intuition is telling you about yourself? Who do you surround yourself around? Do they fit your story? Do they enhance you?

Healing.

Healing.

Healing

My theme of December is slowly going in this direction again. Because growth comes with dealing with the same situations over and over again, until the universe feels you have truly healed and are ready to ascend. I’d say I am feeling very free, new, fresh. November was a rebirth.

As the days goes further on into this current month. I feel I am being challenged in a physical and emotional sense. It’s overwhelming. From your perspective, as a reader your probably like “Didn’t she talk about this already? Why is she bringing this up again?” Well, I know it sounds absurd and cliche but healing never ends. Neither, does vulnerability. Those two go hand and hand. As a person who has spent most of their life suppressing their emotions and thinking showing vulnerability and healing was weak—to then having a spiritual awakening at one of many important phases in my life. I have gotten rid of all of my old habits but no matter how much growth I make spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Facing old trauma and intense emotions can still feel difficult, hence why I am writing this.

To let it be known that experiencing growth and maturing as a person does have difficult times and the only way to conquer them is to face them. My higher self, ancestors, and angels want me to face these things. So I can then speak about them more freely and not have any form of personal negative attachment to it. Which in return helps others.

Furthermore, I’ve been focusing lately on my inner child. Reflecting on the traumatic experiences. Writing about them to my inner child so she can properly heal. Acknowledging every stage I had. From the moment I could understand my surroundings to pre teen years. Because healing your inner child sooner means growth in other aspects of your life. In return I know I’ll be better and actually feel it. Which matters the most to me. I don’t want my trauma to define me or how I treat others. I want to be able to define my “true self by myself.”

I’ve also learned that writing is my purpose to connect with others and if I don’t write I don’t connect and in return the universe will continue to give me reasons to want to write. I can’t refuse or ignore the creative ideas I have for this platform because of writers block. I have to see myself through no matter what I’m writing about. Talking about my experiences will help others and I hope for you all this holiday season you heal, receive your desires, and never lose sight of your goals! Thank you for letting me be who I am and allowing me to be my true, genuine, and authentic self.

Allowing & Acceptance❤️

Allowing & Acceptance❤️

Allowing & Acceptance

Towards the end of October I learned that in order to get to where I want to be, I must first acknowledge how I feel in the present moment, allow myself to really be in that specific place I dream of being. While accepting the feeling, the present, and listen to my intuition as a guide to get to where I want to be.

As November begins I’ve been seeing a reoccurring theme so far. Accepting the unknown & focusing on your end goal without losing the clarity of your thoughts. As more shell shocking events occur this month. I’ve been listening to my intuition. Lately, I’ve been feeling like fixing problems. I’ve had with others in the past in order to move onto this next wonderful chapter in my life. I’ve been feeling good. Acceptance, allowing, & surrendering. The universe states if you can allow yourself to surrender anything involving past, present, or future. Then, you are prepared to level up.

It’s safe to say I can definitely feel the difference in energy since I’ve started this. I know what my purpose is, I know who & what I want/believe should be in my life. I know the beings I want to support, love, & be grateful for daily. I get signs continuously everyday of this also. I’m proud of where I am in this moment. I’m proud of the woman, I am. I’m proud of the spiritual growth I have made & are continuing to make. No one can make me second guess or doubt myself.

This month has felt so good because I’m so in tune with my being. I’m really at my peak. I write to inspire, empower, & make people realize the beauty they already have within their selves. You’re all on this journey with me & I’m forever grateful for the support. ✨

my last blog post:

https://emotionnless.wordpress.com/2018/10/12/facing-your-demons%f0%9f%96%a4/

Facing your demons🖤

Facing your demons🖤

Facing your own skeletons is scary. I taught myself to avoid, avoid, suppress, suppress. Talking about what I’ve experienced, specifically the bad was never something I ever considered. Let alone handling. Healing is a very tedious process. It requires so much patience. Some days those demons come back to haunt you. As a kid when I didn’t feel safe I would just cry and cry until I was back in a safe area again. My mom was my safety net. Whenever I felt I needed comfort & security that’s who I depended on.

As I got older my anxiety got worse. My coping mechanisms in elementary were to basically try & blend in even if it meant hurting someone else, just so I could feel better after spending hours feeling alone & like an outsider. When the years progressed, my anxiety got more intense and then the depression happened right around the time an important loved one of mine passed. Whom was always like my best friend. He was a father figure I wish I always had. He taught me so much about all of the nerdy shit I still love to this day. He would listen to me ramble on about my day, the tv shows I loved, the games I bought, & he never seemed annoyed in the slightest he really loved me for me and never judged me. He showed me what love looks like by how he treated another loved one of mine. Now I know what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. When he passed, I felt like I lost a major part of myself once he was gone.

As I tried my literal best to get through those difficult years everything weighed me down. I may have had friends, real friends. But I never wanted to burden them with any of own problems. There were times my coping mechanisms got quite dark and I harmed my body in order to feel better and there were also times where I would feel so much guilt for doing so. But that’s what depression does it literally tricks you into thinking you’re basically all alone on another gloomy planet with no way out. Being around crowds of people made me feel like a zombie truly. Again, another tragedy happened and I lost another family member. It was so much for a young woman like me to take. I felt like it hit me like a ton of bricks. I absolutely hated everything & everyone. I just wanted my two favorite people alive. I feel I deserved that. They made me feel happy when I thought I had nothing to be happy or grateful for. They treated me like a mattered, I wasn’t some sort of personal burden to them. I could literally go to them for anything. No one gets what that’s like to lose people who you had so many promises too but never got to fulfill. And when I have vented to others that I thought I could trust about them & their importance they didn’t respect that. But I know one day when I truly open up to a person that deserves to listen & actually understand me & why I keep my past suppressed maybe then I’ll feel truly safe again. I’ve learned to become my own safety net but I believe it will happen, where I’ll have more than one safe space to go to. Because I would definitely do the same for whomever that person is who will be able to do the same. I deserve that.

When those demons pop up, I kick their asses. I have the weapons of strength, vulnerability, & love to fight them off. Why? Because I worked to get here. I leveled up. Don’t let your demons pull you down. We are too ethereal & powerful for that. Feel them, let it go & pass.

It took me a good 2-3 solid years to build myself to the person I am today and I didn’t even mention every single detail but those that I did mention were pretty significant. I’m proud to say I didn’t & continue to not let my demons win. I don’t let anyone be little me or have the audacity to question what I’ve gone through. I felt the need to write this for any person who will relate on some level. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am living proof of that. Those who genuinely support & care always show up in the end.

Last blog post; https://emotionnless.wordpress.com/2018/09/28/practicing-listening-to-your-intuition%e2%9c%a8/

Practicing listening to your intuition✨

Practicing listening to your intuition✨

Intuition

September has truly been a test for me, emotionally, physically, and mentally. But it has also made me step back on multiple occasions. Evaluating and reflecting on myself constantly. Writing down my intentions, fulfilling them completely each day. Learning to trust my intuition a bit more as the weeks pass by.

One of my favorite things about myself is how highly intuitive and aware I am becoming. It genuinely makes me happy. The more I reflect and work on myself, the better. Growth is needed. No stagnation in this bitch. I am getting better at not reacting and remembering that projections are just that. Only the people you choose surround yourself with reflect you and what you need to work on. But acceptance is important, knowing your worth and who you choose to be around does too. My inner childhood trauma is healing because of this. My inner child is no longer traumatized in fear, suffocating, and silent. She’s alive and grateful.

My whole vessel feels brand new. I am truly basking in this feeling. I went through writers block. Almost didn’t publish anything this month because of that. It was because I had to overcome feelings I was engulfed by from childhood experiences. I didn’t realize this till I wrote it all down. My intuition told me “you need to work on this now, so you’ll feel better later.” So I listened and did that. Now I’m no longer filled with animosity, rage, fury, & displeasure. If I didn’t listen to my intuition I would’ve kept bottling up those feelings, till it boiled over into some sort of volcanic monstrosity.

I practiced evolving my intuition to get to this point of writing this. But because of that I’ve trusted myself and my thoughts more now than ever. So reflect on what you know, you need to work on. It will make you feel so much better after doing so.

In this present moment I am filled with fresh air, delightful, breathtaking, grateful love of life because I took the time in solitude, embraced those feelings and let them go. So my inner child and my heart can be and feel secure. I’m glad I did it. Thank you universe and September for teaching me the importance of listening to my intuitive side of myself.

If you missed my last blog you can read it here

https://emotionnless.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/what-love-means-to-me/

Thank you loves for taking time out of your day to read my work!!! It truly means so much to me!!

What love means to me

What love means to me

Love

Love starts from within, once you’ve reached your peek within. You’ll attract the love you dream and deserve, since you’re already giving to yourself in the way you want a significant other to treat you. I don’t believe in fairytales, but I do believe life has a funny way of creating a love story that feels like one.

Relationships have never been easy for me in anyway, shape or form. I can acknowledge that and hold myself accountable for any mistakes I’ve made. I’m not perfect in the slightest, but I’m better now more than ever. I don’t seek relationships, I let the universe seek me for what I’m already giving to myself. I’m a garden, an angel, a goddess, a buffet. My flaws make me who I am but I only ever want someone seeking me and accepting me as is, while letting me grow in the process. Vise versa. It’s safe to say in this day and age relationships are like a game. You deadass have to sometimes have a trial period to see if this person is even worth your time in the first place, where their headspace is, what they want out of life etc…In order to be like “This person could really be a life changer for me.”

I hate the concept of dating I’m an all or nothing kinda woman. I know what I deserve even if I’m giving by nature. I won’t go through mental gymnastics because I’m blunt and to the point. I don’t play games, it’s either you want me or you don’t. You can’t have multiple women at a time and still try to get with me simultaneously. Cause I see right through that shit. As I mentioned before I’m a garden. Know how gardens are taking care of? You water them with affection everyday, you check up on them to make sure they’re healthy and being treated right, you accept their flaws and improve on their faults, you take care of those plants and flowers like they actually matter because you want to witness them flourish and stand in their well deserved light. Every woman should be treated as such, including me.

If you’ve ever seen Anastasia the Disney movie from like ages ago, she wasn’t a traditional stereotypical damsel in distress type of princess. She was independent, didn’t need men at all in order to do anything, extremely intelligent, and only cared about her goals. So much so, that the prince in the movie had to basically earn his right to be in her space wether romantic or not. She didn’t need him nor want him. It wasn’t until he opened up his true self and showcased his emotions that she even remotely considered something in him. Men these days aren’t raised to be in touch with their feminine energy enough to understand what we as women want. Truth be told it’s something they need to work on. Emotions don’t make you weak, releasing them in a toxic way makes you weak. Unpack that.

Love is unpredictable to an extent. It’s scary waters. But learning to view love as a whole like how you view love of self. Flips it completely. You just come to a realization of what those feelings you want to constantly have, you know what type of love you deserve. Because you give it to yourself everyday. I can admit it takes time to realize this and that it’s not easy but it’s worth going through it all to get to your dream destination.

Love is not butterflies and rainbows 24/7 but it does not have to be toxic, controlling, emotionally or physically abusive either. Love of self will make relationships with others better naturally. Healthy is good. Affirm that. Healthy is communicative, understanding, compromise, coexistence, supportive, caring, loving, genuine, and real. You just have to believe this in your heart of hearts, in your soul that a person will come up and be at your level and give you all of these things naturally, effortlessly, effectively. That’s what love represents for me personally.

💓💓💓

I hope y’all enjoyed this and continue to support my passion which is writing. keep on showing all the love & come back for more content I have coming soon!!🌹

Your energy is everything

Your energy is everything

Energy

Your thoughts, emotions, and actions give the energy you’re giving off in this current moment, a major leap forward. In whatever direction you’re focused on going. Energy is sooooo important but a lot of people don’t realize that. Every feeling, every thought, and action determines how your day will turn out. In times of difficulties, you must learn to remain optimistic and focus on the positive outcome. Stay down and don’t let anyone think your bothered by what life throws your way.

I’ve learned to release any negativity by writing my feelings down and ripping it up. Metaphorically speaking doing this action gave me closure and let’s me let go of any negative feelings. Practicing mindfulness and staying in the peaceful state of mind isn’t to make reality feel like rainbows and butterflies. It’s knowing & believing that everything works in your favor. When life hits you, it genuinely completely throws you off. This is when the energy comes in because if you dwell that said situation can consume you and even bring out old habits if you let it. I’ve learned over time that as long as I focus on the good and what I’m grateful for, everything works out for me. I believe in it, actions showcase it, and I feel genuinely grateful in the present moment. That’s all that matters.

Protect that energy, in everything you do. From the people you care about and your goals for yourself. Protect your energy. I affirm daily what I feel from my heart I deserve and who and what I want/need around me. I trust the universe and that outcome I believe in. Because your energy for life itself is everything and your life and the miracles that come with it showcase how you handle every single situation. Remain calm. Focus on what matters. Make the actions you intuitively feel are best. Trust, believe, and affirm what it is you feel you deserve. Trust in the universe.

Thank you readers if you decide to read this. My blogs are always from a personal standpoint. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing this. Energy has been constant theme for me this month.

Liberation; my body, my vessel, my spirit🖤

Liberation; my body, my vessel, my spirit🖤

Liberation

Liberation to me is tapping into your sacred feminine energy, and letting that naturally shine on its own. As a woman who grew up being shy and very confined to appealing to— what a respectable woman is supposed to be aka a pick me, I saw women even my own mom make me cringe because of how they appreciate their bodies. For the longest, I could not ever understand what was the point of talking about your body, like it was the next best thing since baby back ribs.

But now that I am a grown woman, I get it. Everytime I look in the mirror, I’m reminded of how much of a bad bitch I am. No hesitation, no insecurities, nothing. For some people, it legitimately hits you at a certain age and for others (like me) it’s a very long journey of self love, affirmations, and constant reminders. As I said before seeing the women around whether it was in my family, on tv etc it made me cringe. To the point, where when I was going through puberty I absolutely hated it. I was like “what the fuck is happening? When did I get boobs? Why are my hormones making me literally go crazy? Why is there blood coming out of me?” I did not understand why I couldn’t just skip the difficult parts of womanhood and just live my best life. Nope. I spent allllll of middle school complaining & most of high school being pissed off because my body didn’t look like my moms did when she was teen. My mom is gorgeous by the way and during her teenage years she was curvy (still is) but she looked like she hopped out one of those music videos from the early 2000’s. Anyways, I didn’t get curves right away and I also was going through a lot so that didn’t help.

But by 18 I had a realization like I have no reason to not like my body anymore. I was healthy legitimately this time, got back to caring about myself and my well being. Then, that’s when the changes started happening. I started legitimately hearing compliments of “omg you look so good” and “Wow I had no idea you looked like that” etc.. And at the time I was like “Wait, what???” “I don’t see it.” In reality, I was comfortable in my own skin (still second guessing myself on bad days but I still acknowledge this as a form of progress) and my body started to change even more with age. But, I couldn’t tell so I continued doing what I was doing exercising, eating right, and then the whole slim thick trend happened. I was like “Ya know I’ve never attempted to gain weight for actual health purposes.” That’s when another realization hit me, metaphorically of course. The reason why I didn’t take those compliments seriously is because despite being healthy again, I truly feel in my heart I did not look it. I was a literal stick with a slight bit of curves but I was not the traditional black girl with curves for days and a huge ass. In fact, since I was so small yet still exercising I honestly barely had much of anything back there.

So instead of taking the “slim thick” trend as exactly that, a temporary trend for bodies to appease society. I took it as this could make me actually look and feel healthy. I can finally love my skin I’m in, bask in it, know I look good also and not second guess this. I did my research, I followed a bunch of black women on Instagram who looked like how I looked before and saw how they naturally improved their bodies. I spent all of that year (my junior year) into senior year and graduation. Working my ass off to obtain my goal. I did it.

Furthermore, I can’t explain the feeling of knowing the body you’re in, your vessel, your soul is what I refer to as the three “g’s” grateful, graceful, and goddess like. You can feel the difference. Well, I could. That’s when I knew for sure, that I made the right decision to join this so called trend but not because it was trendy but because I saw representation of other black women who were just like me, work for that goal, gain a new sense of self, and be liberated in the process. Taking pictures in the mirror of your own body progress, feeling the difference in your stamina, eating healthy meals and still having cheat days.

Sensual Liberation

When I had this whole self love journey as I like to call it, I also realized I personally never knew what feeling sexy felt like. Because, I was finally satisfied with my body (and currently still am) I started buying more lingerie. I say “more” because before I would buy it just in case or if I genuinely had the confidence to put it on. Anyways, when I started buying lingerie again I was (and still am) confident. This time legitimately, inside and out. Eventually, I started making it a tradition to try them on often, once I received those items. Let me tell yall!!!!!! I felt like a Victoria secret model in my mirror. I was legitimately thinking “YAS CURVES COME THROUGHHH” “ABS TONED AS FUCK” “BOOTY SITTIN RIGHT” “GO AAWWF!”

The words that describe that feeling is sensual, bliss, self love, and liberation. Also, around this time I started doing random research on Lilith. Because I was learning more about how birth charts work and I wanted to know why she had such a significance, that she needed her own place on a chart. Then when I found out why, I realized she was a badass —confident, sexually liberated woman who could careless for Adam and did what she rightfully deserved. I was thinking “THIS IS A LITERAL SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE THAT I NEEDED. THANK YOU.” Again, the universe always come through everytime. I figured since I loved reading about Lilith, let me go and research about Egyptian goddesses because I love their history anyways. Same exact realization happened. I’ve always enjoyed learning about strong women in history, especially black history. That’s when I came to conclusion that, all of women I look up to are liberated, strong, and confident.

Now, looking back I experienced major growth within such a small period of time. I’m proud of myself. I’m still growing and changing obviously but I’ve fully, utterly, and completely in love with my body, my vessel. I can proudly say since making my lifestyle healthier, becoming more spiritual, doing yoga, and changing my mindset. I really can achieve whatever I want, as long as I believe in myself. That’s why I’m such an advocate for women in general and those who decide they want to change their bodies. That feeling once you’re finally there. Is all that matters. Now, I can proudly look at myself in the mirror and say confidently “I love you” “I am worthy” “I am a masterpiece” I am art.” First off though, I’m a black woman. So being art is in my genes anyway, BUT fully knowing that changed everything for me.

So to my readers who are reading this, achieve your goals. love your vessel. take care of your being and your being will do the same for you. my spirit salutes you. 💕